ADVICE FROM A LEXIS

Belittled in Lacey, gaining some perspective

Posted

Dear Lexis,

Every time I state my opinion, people practically yell at me saying that I’m wrong. I don’t really like feeling belittled, but I’m not sure what I can do about it. Do you have any advice?

Thanks,

Belittled in Lacey

Dear Belittled,

I understand your frustration, some of us hold opinions that the majority either don’t believe in, or don’t want to believe in, and that tends to land us in difficult conversations. I have some good news and bad news for you; in all likelihood, there’s a 99.999% chance that you are wrong in some way. This is a really big world, and the idea that any of us actually know how anything truly works is somewhat arrogant.

That being said, since you hold some controversial opinions, you’ve likely put more thought into your beliefs and are more likely to be right in some way. Most people don’t really think about why they believe what they believe, so anyone who puts work into their thoughts and into their base belief structures is bound to have more rationale, logic, and proof behind their perspectives. 

In other words, you’re probably more “right” than the other guy, but that doesn’t necessarily make you “right.” And, your accuracy depends a lot on how much thought you’ve given it and how much evidence you’ve actually considered. 

Given this information, my first recommendation is that you approach all conversations from a place of humility. There’s so much that you don’t know and there’s always the chance that someone has a piece of the puzzle that you don’t. But, if you want to have a chance to figure out what that piece is, there’s another piece of advice that you need to remember. Don’t take what the other person says personally. 

FLIP SIDE

Being told that you’re naive or stupid isn’t fun, but I learned a simple truth a while back; “hurt people, hurt people.” When people feel attacked, their instinct is to attack in order to protect themselves. And what feels more like an attack than someone questioning one of your beliefs? 

So, there may be things people say about your opinion that likely translate to “you’ve challenged my belief, and I’m not prepared to consider the ramifications.” 

Moments like these aren’t pleasant, and it’s unfortunate that people tend to dismiss you rather than take a look at themselves, but these circumstances do occur. Generally, it doesn’t make sense to continue discussing the subject when this happens because the other party essentially just turned off their ears. Still, you can take comfort in the knowledge that it probably doesn’t have much to do with you.

You can’t control what others will do or say during a discussion, and that can be frustrating. Still, if you can keep an open mind, remain humble, and not take rude comments personally, you’ll find navigating conversations much easier.

At least by discovering those who don’t want to listen early on, you’ll be able to move on and find people who are actually up for learning with you. 

I can’t promise that people won’t say mean things and belittle you, but by recognizing the truth of the situation, perhaps it won’t affect you quite as much.

Hope this helps,

~ Lexis

Lexis is Alexis Rae Baker. She writes from her home in Olympia.  Got a question about life, relationships, spirit? Visit her at lexisrae.com or write to Lexis at  Lexis@theJOLTnews.com 

EDITOR'S NOTE:  The opinions expressed above are those of Alexis Rae Baker and not necessarily of The JOLT or its staff or board of directors.  

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