advice from a lexis

Change is possible for you


Dear Lexis,

You talk about changing your beliefs to change your life, but what if it isn’t possible to change your beliefs, or change yourself? I’ve tried to change and it doesn’t seem to work, I just wind up in the same place wishing for something different. What if some people are just not capable of change?


          ~ Unchanged

Dear Unchanged,

In some ways, you may be butting up against a belief that needs changing right now.

The belief that you can’t change is a powerful block against achieving true change within your life. That being said, I understand where you are coming from: it’s a question my husband has asked on various occasions, too. Unfortunately, my answer for him tends to be quite aggravating because it requires a leap of faith -- and he tends to want proof first.

The first thing you need in order to change is a belief that change is possible. Without such a belief, is it really so strange that change doesn’t occur? If you believe that you are destined to remain the same, you are pretty much guaranteed to do so. And while this is fine if you like yourself, and your life circumstances, it isn’t so great if you want to improve.

Still, the belief that people don’t change is shockingly prevalent. It’s so common that we utilize this statement on a regular basis to explain why someone should leave a situation rather than stay (he/she won’t change, so you might as well leave now).

What’s curious about this belief is its dualistic nature. If one person leaves a situation because the other won’t change, change is still occurring for the person who leaves. This trend continues no matter what context you put it in.

In truth, the belief that people don’t change generally refers to forced change (as in, you cannot make someone else change, they have to make that decision themselves). However, when it comes to your ability to change, force is a possibility, although not recommended.

So, if you want to change some aspect of yourself and your life, know that it is possible. In fact, change is innate and impossible to avoid. The concept that change itself is the only constant tends to be true. Every day our bodies shift. We age and grow. We gain and lose weight. All of these little shifts indicate the possibility for larger changes if we want them.

It all starts with a maybe. Maybe I don’t know what’s possible. Maybe it is possible to change, or change my belief. Maybe I don’t know as much about the world as I thought.

I know that these "maybes" can be a bit unsettling. They open up a world of possibility and uncertainty that can be challenging, but the freedom and opportunity is worth the discomfort. Humans are an adaptive, inventive group and change is our gift. We have the power to choose our path in life; no other creatures can do so. Recognizing this is how we open the door to a better life and world.

It doesn’t have to be complicated or challenging. You don’t have to bully your mind into accepting a belief that you don’t agree with yet. All you need to do is question the conclusion you’ve drawn about change and look for proof that change is possible in your life. In time, with minimal effort, things will start to shift for you. It may be fast, or slow, but it will happen if that’s what you want; and the day you realize that you believe change is possible in your own life is the day you will know, without a doubt, that it worked.

Good luck and happy development,


Lexis is Alexis Rae Baker, who writes from her home in Olympia.  What would you like to ask her to comment about?  Write to her at 


No comments on this item Please log in to comment by clicking here