Dear Lexis,
I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts throughout my life, and while I’ve gotten some help from a therapist, I wondered if you have some suggestions that could help.
Thanks,
Wondering
Dear Wondering,
I’m sorry you have suffered so much with this; I know it can be very difficult. I’ve known quite a few people who have struggled with this and my heart goes out to you.
The number one suggestion I have is for you to meditate. I know this is a common theme in this column, but it’s amazing how big a difference a meditative practice can have in your life. Meditation expands your perspective and allows you to catch a glimpse of the bigger picture, which often leads to ease and peace within.
Meditation can be a long-term solution though and may not provide immediate relief, for that I have two suggestions.
As someone who has been on the receiving end of such news, I can tell you that it hurts to know that someone I care about is considering taking themselves out of this world. To know that the love I feel is insufficient to keep someone around is extremely painful. I often wonder if they could understand how much I cared, maybe life wouldn’t seem so bleak and they could begin to heal.
By stepping into the shoes of someone who loves you, try to look at yourself through their eyes. See what they see, feel the love they have, and recognize the beauty they see inside you. Remember that they believe in you, that they want you to be happy, and that they will help wherever they can if you ask. Know that, as hard as life may be right now, you have someone that’s on your side, rooting for your success.
You may be asking, “But what if nobody loves me?”, and I assure you this isn’t true. Many people suffer from a feeling of unworthiness, the sense that they are unlovable, but the truth is far more complicated. Not everyone will love you, this is true, but I guarantee that someone in your life does. They may not express their love in the same way that you do, or even in the way that you want, but the love is no less real.
However, if you are struggling to come up with the name of someone who loves you, there is another strategy you can utilize to help.
A version of yourself who accepts you just as you are while encouraging you to keep striving for the life of your dreams. View this version of yourself as a separate person, someone who you can turn to and ask for advice. Feel the warmth of their smile, the ease of their posture, and listen to what they have to say. You can ask this version of yourself whatever questions you want, ask it for advice, or even a hug if that’s what you want.
If you struggle to imagine this version of yourself, write to it. Write down the questions you have, take a deep breath, and then write the response such a version of you would give. It may not be perfect, it may not solve all of your problems right now, but it will provide you with some comfort and relief.
Moving past suicidal thoughts may not be easy, but it can be done. Over time, especially if you meditate, the world will start to open up for you. Things will start to fall into place and your life will feel easier. Happiness and hope aren’t as far away as they might feel right now, but if you trust that things will get better and you put in the work, it’s only a matter of time before the clouds part and the sun shines through.
I wish you peace and love. I’m rooting for you and I hope you find joy.
Best wishes,
Lexis
For those struggling with suicidal thoughts, please call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
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