Time to talk about bias, bullying and stereotyping

Alexis Rae Baker

Dear Readers,

Today I want to talk about an uncomfortable subject, bias. This includes things like racism, sexism, ageism, bias against sexual preferences or religion, and pretty much any other form of bullying. Because that’s what all of these things are, they are forms of bullying, and that’s something that we tend to forget.

The two forms of bullying I’ve experienced most have centered around my weight and age. For you, the experience is probably something else. But, in many ways, it’s all the same in the end.

See, that’s the thing about bias, we all experience it, and we all experience it differently. This goes to show that bias is not personal.

For example, people don’t necessarily dislike me specifically because I’m fat (although I experience it that way) but instead, they’ve learned that all fat people are either gross or lazy and that bias colors their experience of me.

There’s a certain level of training behind all bias, even subconscious training. Fat people are considered lazy, unhealthy, and lacking in self-control on nearly every TV show or movie where they are displayed. Comedians generally joke about fat people utilizing the same words. Similarly, some parents, who have become engaged with these concepts, train their children to avoid larger people because they are somehow dangerous, clumsy, and irresponsible (again, how fat people are displayed). Every time a larger person is seen eating a large helping of any sugary treat, this reinforces the bias against all large people and proves that the stereotype is true.

Stereotypes and bias go hand in hand. People learn that some specific trait should be avoided, that it indicates trouble, sickness, or bad behavior, and therefore they avoid it. This is the subtlest and most common form of bias.

Direct bias and bullying

Direct bias, is actually extremely rare comparatively and only occurs in extreme circumstances.

I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen every day, just that the number of encounters any given person has with a bigot is significantly fewer than the number of encounters they have where no bias is raised.

Direct bias, like any form of direct bullying, only occurs when someone who’s hurting lashes out at someone else.

Direct bias experiences are almost exclusively what we discuss in public and what we actively protest against. The funny thing about direct bias though, is that it inherently is an act of insanity (which is exactly why protesting bias doesn’t tend to make much difference).

You see, people generally have enough stuff going on in their own lives that they don’t care about the random people they walk by on any given day. Sure, they may cross the street a little earlier if someone matching their bias comes into view, but they aren’t going to go out of their way to make a big deal out of the issue.

So, when a direct bias interaction occurs, something very wrong is happening. Either the attacker is stuck in a state of anger and looking to release the tension, or they’ve been so brainwashed that they’ve learned to focus outside of themselves to combat a specific threat. It takes a huge amount of focus to attack someone, even verbally, so it’s clear that any act of direct bias has more to do with the bully than it does with the individual they are attacking.

No healthy, rational person is ever intentionally biased.

I’ve known several people who are stuck in a constant state of anger. They lash out quite often, at anyone who comes near them, utilizing whatever stereotypes or biases that come to mind. And while their behavior isn’t right, can you imagine how much they must suffer daily?

Whenever I come across someone like this, I ask myself, “what would it take for me to act like this?” The answer is usually so sad that I feel intense sadness for the other person. They must be in so much pain all the time. It’s pitiable, and that’s something everyone should keep in mind when facing a bigot.

Hurt people, hurt people.

This is the challenge behind bias.

So, while I know that it’s challenging to maintain your cool when someone is in your face, it’s the best way to weather the storm. Hopefully, in the future, you’ll have a chance to interact with this person again and show them how awesome of a person you are. That is where change will occur, not in the yelling, but in the peace. We have to start derailing the stereotypes if we want to get rid of bias, and that starts at home, with individuals.

          ~ Lexis

Lexis is Alexis Rae Baker. She writes from her home in Olympia.   Got a question about life, relationships, spirit?  Visit her at lexisrae.com or write to Lexis at  Lexis@theJOLTnews.com