A proclamation for the month of May

Earth Day was an occasion for local, state and national proclamations. All the best towns, cities, states and service clubs have proclamations on multiple issues every month. In modern municipal life, the best of them affirm our values and goals. That’s worth doing.

All proclamations aren’t the best, however, and people who complain that many of them are are a waste of our tax dollars are not 100 percent wrong.

As a literary form, it’s remarkable that all those long strings of “whereas this” and whereas that” live on — relics of a pre-iPhone language; a time when people said “I’m sorry,” rather than “My bad,” and when a faux pas might have been deemed “cringe worthy” rather than just “cringe.”

The “whereases” are reliably followed by a “now therefore” or two. It’s a supremely awkward way to tell a story. But maybe the awkwardness contributes to proclamations’ air of tradition, formality and importance.

Let’s try it:

Whereas, we wait a long time for spring, enduring cold, wet, gloomy weather, and long, dark nights; and

Whereas, even though people born and raised here are too proud to complain about the rain, and claim to love it, they sometimes get rather dour by March; and

Whereas, when the sun comes out, an estimated large percentage of the population becomes restless, lazy, and amorous; work and school absences climb and productivity falls; and

Whereas, public health officials warn of an impending outbreak of acute spring fever, a contagious condition that causes urban flight to woods, rivers and beaches, and for which there is no vaccine; and

Whereas the only cure for this condition is prolonged free time spent outdoors, with reduced responsibilities and no schedule; and

Whereas, people who spend time outdoors in the month of May are also likely to plant gardens and grow flowers and food, which will put them in a good mood that will benefit everyone around them, thus causing a tiny increase in peace on earth; and

Whereas, growing food is an especially good idea given the fragility of the global food system, where a war-caused shortage of nitrogen fertilizer derived from oil is causing prices to rise and farmers to struggle;

Whereas planting vegetable gardens is also a patriotic act that is part of a tradition of victory gardens during times of war,

Whereas local cows, horses, sheep, goats and chickens produce wonderful fertilizers that too often go unused; and

Whereas rising grocery prices are hard on all of us, but especially cruel to low-wage workers, their children, and low-income elders, and

Whereas home-grown vegetables are needed at food banks and pantries; and

Whereas the stooping, bending, shoveling, watering and weeding provide as much physical fitness benefit as Pilates classes, gym memberships or bicycle riding;

Now therefore May is declared Get off your Tush and Plant a Vegetable Garden Month in Thurston County, and all residents are urged to stand up, stretch, and get going.

Sunny days are precious; don’t let a single one go to waste.

Jill Severn writes from her home in Olympia, where she grows vegetables, flowers, and a small flock of chickens. She loves conversation among gardeners. Start one by emailing her at  jill@theJOLTnews.com.