Family doesn't see the growth inside of me


Dear Lexis,

I’ve been working on improving my emotional landscape, but no matter what I do I don’t seem to see any progress. I find myself losing faith. I feel like I’ve changed a lot, but my family doesn’t seem to see it and that hurts. Do you have any advice that could help me through this?

     ~ Developing

Dear Developing,

Take a deep breath. That’s probably the number one thing you can do at the moment. I know that working on yourself comes with its ups and downs and I want you to know that you will see the light soon, at the very least.

It sounds like you might be going through a pupa stage, similar to how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly. Your emotions, and your life, are going through change and that can feel uncomfortable, uncertain, and chaotic. But, as challenging as it might be at this moment, know that this will soon pass, assuming you stick with your work, and you will emerge on the other side resplendent.

That being said, there are some ways to check whether you have made some progress.

  1. Check your base emotion

When you wake up in the morning do you feel better or worse about the day ahead of you? When you interact with people, do you approach the situation with a broader perspective and greater patience?

Your base emotion can be subtle, but if you look at your day to day activities, if you notice a lightening from how you felt before you started this process, that’s a sure sign that you are making progress.

  1. Check your thoughts

Take some extra time over the next few days and watch your thoughts a bit closer. At this point, you’ve probably been working on your thoughts for a while and the process has become subconscious. A refocusing now can show you just how much progress you’ve made.

As for your family recognizing the change in you, this could take a while. For some reason, other people tend to be resistant to the idea that others can change. My guess is this stems from a deep-seated belief that people remain as they are whether you like it or not. From my perspective, this can’t be further from the truth, but I am certainly not average in this regard.

Give your family a little grace and when you find yourself frustrated or hurt by them, try to tell them directly how you are feeling. Don’t blame or get angry, merely state that you feel hurt and that you hope that they can see you a little more clearly the next time they see you.

In regard to continuing your progress, the number one thing I recommend is meditation. It’s amazing just how rapidly meditation can shift your perspective, emotion, and life. Every now and then you look back and marvel at just how much broader your perspective becomes and I can’t even describe how incredible these moments feel.

15 minutes a day of meditation can springboard your personal development and help you find new levels of peace and harmony with life. All you need to do is focus on your breathing, or you can listen to the meditation I enjoy by Abraham Hicks. 

Keep up the good work and know that I’m rooting for you.

Good luck,

     ~ Lexis

Alexis Baker writes from her home in Olympia.  Write to her at 


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