For college or love

Alexis Rae Baker

Dear Lexis,

I’m heading off to college this next fall and I find myself facing a dilemma. My boyfriend is going to New York to pursue a work opportunity and has asked me to go with. We’ve actually been talking about this for a while and I’ve been accepted to a couple of schools in New York, but my parents would prefer that I go locally (Evergreen) stating that it offers one of the best educations in the country and that it will be significantly cheaper and set me up better for the future. I don’t really know what to do at this point. Any ideas?

Thanks,

College Bound in Olympia

Dear College Bound,

Congratulations on the college acceptances, I know that schools can be really competitive. As for your dilemma, I do have some thoughts and hopefully they will provide you with a bit of clarity.

Not knowing the caliber of schools you’ve been accepted to, it’s hard to say whether school reputation is important to you, or your family, but I do know that reputation can be a big factor for some. As someone who doesn’t fall into this category, it’s a little hard for me to understand, but I am aware of it.

So, if this is a factor, my advice is to ask a question: are you going to regret not going if things don’t work out with your boyfriend?

We never know what the future is going to hold, but we do know that romantic relationships can be rife with toil. And while a healthy romantic relationship can be the most secure relationship you ever experience, you are the one who will have to determine if that’s what you have together.

Assuming that things fall apart the second you get to New York, are you going to be happy with the schools there? Do you have a plan for how you’re going to get by?

Moving in with someone else can be a terrifying endeavor because you’re giving up the security you’ve already established for something not yet tested. The same can be said for moving out of state away from the safety of home and family.

Financially, your parents are also correct that a local school will save you money and reduce your future debt.

But, all that being said, I can’t think of a better reason to ditch a plan than for love.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a huge romantic, but if I had a chance to trade my college experience for one that involved romance and love, I would. Why? Because it’s the people in our lives that give us our sense of purpose.

I’m of the mind that one education is largely the same as another. What school you choose is unlikely to impact the trajectory of your future too much because you remain the same person. You’re dreams and plans are probably not geographically based, so changing location isn’t much of a problem.

So, rather than weighing the pros and cons of each school, I would ask another clarifying question: will you regret not putting your all into this relationship?

People cannot be replaced, so is this the relationship for you? Are you willing to take a leap into uncertainty to see where this might go?

If you’re still on the fence after all of this, then listen to your parent’s advice. At least that way, you retain your support structure and reduce your cost.

That’s all I’ve got for you. Hope it helps.

~ Lexis

Lexis is Alexis Rae Baker. She writes from her home in Olympia.  Got a question about life, relationships, spirit? Visit her at lexisrae.com or write to Lexis at  Lexis@theJOLTnews.com 

EDITOR'S NOTE: The opinions expressed above are those of Alexis Rae Baker and not necessarily of The JOLT or its staff or board of directors. Alexis Rae Baker is not a licensed psychologist or specialist healthcare professional. Her advice does not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals.