Respite: We could all use a break

Glenn Harper

Gloria Towne | All Around Towne Photography

As if managing the challenges of aging wasn’t enough, we are in a time of unprecedented technological and societal changes.

Every day brings news of war, fire, flood, famine and plague. It’s as if everywhere we look the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are riding us down! Certainly, these things have occurred throughout history, but only now has technology made it possible to know about every awful thing happening everywhere in the world 24/7/365. Our nervous systems weren’t designed for this.  

Dictionary.com defines respite as: A break or interval of relief from a task, hardship, or obligation. (1) 

The word “respite” is derived from the Latin word “respectus,” which meant to look back, or give a second look. Later it came to mean a pause for retrospection, and finally just to pause. 

The word “respect” comes from the same root and originally meant giving someone worthy of attention a second look, pausing for a lengthier appraisal of their qualities. 

For caregivers of all stripes, self-care is vitally important to avoid burnout and continue to serve those in their care. The arc of human life is a series of caregiving relationships, from nurturing infants, wrangling toddlers, educating older children and, hopefully, supporting our fellow humans as adults, including our adult children with disabilities, parents and spouses. We will find ourselves on both sides of the caregiver and care recipient equation during our lives. 

I remember babysitters who were unvetted neighborhood teens entrusted with small children for a few bucks. Nowadays, child care is much more expensive. Maybe there are opportunities for elders to make some pocket money providing respite care for stressed out young couples, while providing the calming grandparent elder-energy missing in many modern families. I would love to see teams of elders forming “granny squads,” intergenerational task forces of three or four elders who might volunteer to supervise children for a couple hours at parks, libraries and other public venues. 

Another group of people requiring high levels of care are children and adults with developmental disabilities. The  Developmental Disabilities Administration at Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS) has resources and information about programs supporting children and adults here.

Information about other DSHS assistance programs can be found here. 

The Guiding an Improved Dementia Experience (GUIDE) program is a federal Medicare initiative launched by CMS to provide coordinated care, dedicated support, and financial relief for people living with dementia and their unpaid family caregivers. (2)

It reimburses up to $2,500 annually per eligible patient for temporary relief services so family caregivers can rest.  The program can cover in-home care helpers, adult day center programs, or facility-based short-term stays with zero out-of-pocket cost for approved GUIDE services under original Medicare. 

Respite for those caring for the dying is another important need. It can be exhausting and emotionally draining to care for a family member as they transition from a body that is failing to what comes next, and nobody wants to leave a dying person alone at this sacred time.

Fortunately, most hospices have trained volunteers available to provide respite care for a few hours at a time. As a former hospice volunteer, I can tell you that making yourself available to serve in this way is transformative in deepening your appreciation of life and reminding us of the importance of taking care in our own relationships with the people we care about while we have them with us. 

It would be great if everyone had the time, and the will, to volunteer to provide one another with respites, but the fact is money is a big part of delivering these services. Private pay arrangements with agencies in our area generally start at about $40 an hour and go up from there.

A directory of local care agencies can be found here. If you don’t have sufficient means to pay, government agencies can reduce, or eliminate the cost to families, but they are paying about $40 per hour to the agencies providing the care. 

With drastic cuts to federal funds for care programs likely in the year ahead, we may need to increasingly rely on the old informal model of the babysitter — a neighbor willing to help out for a few bucks — to fill in gaps. I hope funding is restored in time to avoid the worst outcomes, but that is far from certain. 

Meanwhile, vote for representatives that support programs that support elders and remember — we could all use a break every now and then. Lend a hand when you can. 

Events in the Elderhood 

Nov. 2 at 4 p.m. Death Cafe at the Tumwater Library (details here) 

Nov. 4 at 1 p.m. Author Talk: Stephanie Coontz at the Olympia Senior Center (details here) 

Nov. 4 at 6:30 p.m. Seniors Give Back: The Linus Project Virgil Clarkson Lacey Senior Center (details here)

Glenn Harper provides support in aging and end of life. He is Chair of the Lewis-Mason-Thurston Area Agency on Aging Advisory Council and board member of the Senior Action Network. He facilitates several free Death Cafe and Elderhood Roundtable gatherings in the area where Elders are invited to talk about difficult topics in a nonjudgmental space. Learn more about these events here.