What I plan to do with my lottery millions next year

Kathleen Anderson writes The Sage Connection in The JOLT.

I generally don’t do New Year’s Resolutions. Gave those up years ago. That being said, lately I have become a fan of a television program called My Lottery Dream Home on the HGTV channel.

Truth be told, I love all the shows on this channel, but the aforementioned program has become my new favorite. It’s about folks who won a lottery – some less than others, but all are winners who want to buy a new home.

And although there have been a few professional gamblers, most of the guests on this show are just like you and me. Retired folks, families with young children and/or teens and fairly modest incomes.

Lately, however, I have noticed something else many of them have in common. Namely tattoos and piercings. And that says to me they are risk-takers – YOLO folks. YOLO, for those who may not already know, stands for “You Only Live Once.”

Since I have a few tattoos and my ears are pieced I have decided I am one of them.

I have changed careers several times, without any experience in my new field. I divorced twice, each time taking only the kids and the bills with me. I produced an award-winning local cable television program without a clue of what that entailed and have written for several publications just by asking for the space. YOLO.

So why am I not a millionaire?

Well, apparently you have to buy a lottery ticket in order to win, and while I am perfectly willing to do this, I can’t seem to remember to buy one when I am someplace I could.

This is about to change.

In 2022 I Resolve to buy Scratchers AND Powerball tickets once a week. And I will keep buying them until I win a significant amount of money.

And when I win a significant amount of money, the first thing I will do is hire a driver.

Surprised? Well, so was I, sort of. But after giving the matter a great deal of thought, I’ve decided this would be a good start.

I have heard a lot of people say if they were millionaires, they would give money to their kids, favorite charities and in some cases, their parents. I would probably do some of that also, but after I hire my driver.

Why a driver? I don’t know about you, but my dream is to have someone to load and unload groceries to and from my car. I take a ridiculous number of reusable bags to the grocery store every time I shop, but the checkers, unless I stop them, will put 42 items in one bag and hand me back all the empty ones.

Straining my hands and back, I will then load the one giant bag in my car where I transfer items into other bags until I reach a comfortable level. Then I go home, place all the bags on my front porch, carefully open the front door and start yelling at our 90+ pound Labrador to go lay down so I can enter the house.

The Lab, of course, does not go lay down and I am buffered between doorways and walls until I reach the kitchen, where her treats are stored. After she receives her treat, I am allowed to put the groceries away.

Next, I have to replace the empty bags in my trunk and park the car. And the ‘OMG, I am so happy to see you’ routine begins again with the Lab until another treat has been delivered.

So logically, the second thing I will do with my significant amount of money will be to hire a dog trainer. I am soooo looking forward to this new year…

Kathleen Anderson writes this column each week from her home in Olympia.  Contact her at  kathleen@theJOLTnews.com or post your comment below.