Love your body

Alexis Rae Baker

Dear Lexis,

 I lost 100 lbs over the last year, but I still look in the mirror and dislike what I see. What’s going on? I don’t get it. Dropping weight was supposed to fix this issue.

 Annoyed in Lacey

Dear Annoyed,

First off, congratulations on taking steps to improve your health, I know how difficult that can be. As far as your mirror experience is concerned, you’re likely dealing with body dysmorphia.

This is a regrettable mental issue that affects millions every year. Theories abound as to why this happens, particularly for those who’ve put in the work to lose weight, but I think that most who wind up in this position were hyper-focused on weight loss.

The problem with hyper focus though, is that it tends toward obsessive behavior and harsh judgments. For example, you punish yourself for messing up your diet or eat only 1 thing for months to force your body to drop weight. And while you may see weight loss, you’re not fixing the base problem, your mentality.

Lasting change always works from the inside out.  Meaning you have to change the self-hate and judgment before you’re going to see the benefits of external change. 

There tend to be two main approaches to weight loss, in one you learn to forgive yourself, shift old habits to help you create a healthier life, and learn how to repair your negative relationship with food. In the second though, perhaps the most common method, you do what you can to force your body to comply. You follow strict diets, workout excessively, and become laser-focused on the scale.

The majority of people who purchase a weight loss program, fall into this second category.

But, knowing that you likely fit into this latter group, is only half the battle, the second half is figuring out how you can go about shifting your mentality now to catch up with the external change you’ve already made.

My favorite, and perhaps the fastest method, to overcoming self-judgement, is the mirror. All too often, we look in the mirror, get disgusted, and then leave. But, just like with others, the more we look in the mirror, the more familiar we become with the image and even come to like what we see.

Now, according to The Center for Growth, lots of mirror checking has two reasons for looking in the mirror. If mirror checking has become a ritual, this technique can be a problem for more severe body dysmorphia. So, if you’re not able to look in the mirror and find those things that are positives, consider reaching out to professionals for help.

For those who are simply avoiding the mirror and seeking create a better headspace:

Stop avoiding the mirror, the mirror is your friend.

Don’t give in when you get disgusted, keep looking. Look at yourself, drink it in, and if you have enough patience, you’ll eventually reach a point where the flip will switch. Instead of seeing all the things you hate (the initial response and a survival mechanism), you’ll start to see the things you like. You’ll start to notice your unique features, the flecks of color in your eyes, or enjoy the gentle curves of your cheekbones.

Keep looking beyond this point and you’ll start to think that the features you once hated, really aren’t as bad as you initially thought. You can even throw in some smiles to improve this process even more.

I know that this can seem silly, but it’s a very powerful tool. The mirror can be an amazing thing and a wonderful mechanism for instigating self-love. So, if you’re ready to truly feel better about yourself, don’t shy away.

Face the “monster” in the mirror and you’ll be amazed at what you find.

 -  Lexis

Lexis is Alexis Rae Baker. She writes from her home in Olympia.  Got a question about life, relationships, spirit? Visit her at lexisrae.com or write to Lexis at  Lexis@theJOLTnews.com 

EDITOR'S NOTE: The opinions expressed above are those of Alexis Rae Baker and not necessarily of The JOLT or its staff or board of directors. Alexis Rae Baker is not a licensed psychologist or specialist healthcare professional. Her advice does not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals.