On being intentionally naive

Dear Lexis,

People call me naïve.  They tell me that I don’t understand how the world works and that I should basically keep my mouth shut. I don’t understand why they say this.  I feel like my perspective is more optimistic perhaps, but no less real or correct than the alternatives posed.  Is there a chance that they are right? Is optimism automatically naive or delusional? I know that the world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but I don’t get why people would prefer to focus on the bad stuff.

 ~ Not Really Naive

Dear Not Really Naive,

I can relate to your plight and, no, I don’t think that optimism is automatically naive or delusional. There is certainly a chance that you aren’t seeing the absolute truth of the world, but I don’t believe that anyone really does. There’s a lot we don’t understand about the world and human behavior, so proving who has the right of it is a nearly impossible task.

That being said, I tend to agree with Jordan Peterson, psychology professor and author of 12 Rules for Life, in that there are three basic perspective bases of the world: naive, cynical, and intentionally naive. In many regards these are also stages of perspective development, meaning you have to go through the previous stage to get to the next. 

• The naïve stage starts the cycle and generally refers to the mental state that persists before negatives occur in your life. Babies, little kids, and sheltered individuals often fall into this category, but the older someone gets, the less likely they are to remain in this stage. Generally speaking, anyone over high school age more than likely no longer lives in the base naïve state. I’m sure many would disagree with me, but I tend to think that no one escapes high school without some scars.

The older you are when you leave the initial naïve stage, the greater your chances of having a short cynical phase though, which is why I don’t think it necessary to ruin a child’s sense of wonder and imagination in an effort to give them a “realistic” outlook. 

• The second phase, or the cynical perspective, is often the place that people get stuck. Bogged down by the trial of life, many tend toward a more negative outlook. Often, this perspective is called “realistic” although, from my perspective, this is far from true. Cynical individuals tend to think the worst of the world and people, which leads to guarded behavior. The biggest downside of this perspective is that by expecting the worst from other people, which tends to be exactly what you get.

This is why it’s considered a positive to move from the cynical stage. And while some may see this move as backward, as you re-embrace the naïve mentality, it’s actually forward movement as you are choosing this path consciously.

• The intentionally naïve stage is often hard to distinguish from the naïve stage from the outside as it often presents itself in similar ways. However, the knowledge that the world isn’t all “sunshine and rainbows” is exactly what makes this different. From this perspective, you know that someone can stab you in the back and choosing to believe they won’t.

The intentionally naïve perspective is the best world view to bring out the best in someone else. While knowing that someone can let you down, you can let them know that you believe in them. You offer them the opportunity to be the best version of themselves while forgiving their mistakes. You are accepting them as they are while recognizing their greater potential and, as a result, they will more often than not rise to the challenge.

It’s this third perspective where I believe that you fall. I try to live in the intentionally naïve perspective myself. Whatever your perspective though, I certainly encourage a movement toward intentional naivety for one simple reason. The chances of you enjoying life are greater when you believe that life is great.

Who’s more likely to get the life they desire? Is it someone who thinks their dreams are pointless wastes of time or someone who believes that they can have everything they want?

I hope this helps you understand what others may think about your optimism and I hope you can see the value in the perspective you hold. It can be hard to maintain an optimistic outlook when people tell you that you’re being dumb because of it. Hold strong and know I’m rooting for you.

Good luck,

     ~ Lexis

Alexis Baker writes from her home in Olympia.  Write to her at  Lexis@theJOLTnews.com