Pondering forgetfulness and aging, a ‘safe’ ear can make the difference

Kathleen Anderson

Some years ago, I stopped at the store on my way home from work to pick up a few items, including a light bulb.

When I got home and was putting things away, I realized there was no light bulb. I knew I had bought one, so I went out to my car to check if it had slipped out of the bag, but no such luck.

After a minute or two of thinking back, I decided I must have left it in the cart. It was late and I was tired, so I decided to buy another one the next day and went to bed.

The next morning, I was reaching for the creamer for my coffee inside the refrigerator when I spied…the light bulb. Sharing this little debacle with my children, the comments were all the same. “Oh, Mom, you’ll never change.”

This remark came from their observations, over the years, of watching me search for my glasses while I had them on and looking high and low for the car keys, which were in my hand.

The little devils would even help me look, snickering all the while. We all laughed about my “airheaded moments.” It was funny…then.

Fast forward 50 years or so, and especially if you have not been an airhead all your life, these episodes can be frustrating and even frightening.

As we age, a certain amount of forgetfulness is to be expected. For some, however, it can grow into a bigger problem, at least in our own minds. Help is available, but many elders are afraid to seek it out. The fear often comes from the possibility of losing control over one’s own life.

“Will my kids decide I can no longer live alone?” is one of the biggest fears we face in our later years. Loss of control over finances is another. One daughter I met was upset because she had signed her mother up for Meals on Wheels while visiting her in another state. When she returned home, she learned her mother had canceled the meals. The daughter felt this would be of great service to her mother, plus someone would be checking in on her daily.

Her mother, however, still enjoyed cooking and didn’t care for the food. I had to explain to the daughter that her mother had every right to refuse the service, despite her good intentions.

None of us want to worry family members, so many times we don’t bring up our own observations and fears. And it is not only our children who may not be comfortable with what we have to say – it can be spouses also, making decisions even harder.

But what if you could discuss your frustrations in a safe manner without fear of judgement or loss of the ability to make your own decisions?

Peer counselors:

What is Peer Counseling?

Peer counselors use their own stories in helping others develop hope and improve their lives. Adults, youth, parents, or legal guardians can provide support to their families.

Enter Beth Johnson and Chapters of Living:

Beth has been a counselor for many years. She received her master’s from the University of Arizona in education, counseling, and guidance, and told me that was one of the first Elementary School Counselors in the nation. She is now also a State Certified Senior Advisor.

As time went on, and she herself experienced more of life, she became more aware of the need for counseling for older adults. As one of the first members of the Senior Action Network and having been the caregiver for both of her parents, she also became more aware of the negative effects of ageism in our country.

A ‘safe’ ear can make the difference between despair and hope, and this is what peer counseling provides. A one-on-one conversation with someone who can relate to what you are going through because they have been there themselves.

Like the difference between reading about President Kennedy’s assassination in a history book and living through it with all the emotions that came with the shock and devastating loss.

Beth can also offer help identifying and accessing resources that offer support for your emotional and social health, including housing options, transportation, health care and other community resources.

As a fellow senior, she understands the unique challenges we may face. She provides a supportive, safe, confidential space for us to share our concerns and feelings, past and present.

Beth will be a guest speaker at the Olympia Senior Center on April 24 to discuss ageism and its effects on our older population. For an appointment or more information about Chapters of Living, you can contact Beth directly at lydnjo@gmail.com.

Kathleen Anderson writes this column each week from her home in Olympia. Contact her at  kathleen@theJOLTnews.com or post your comment below.

Correction:  A previous version of this story reported that Beth Johnson was one of the first elementary school counselors in Washington. That's incorrect; she never worked in Washington schools but was one of the first in the nation. We regret the error.